Changes

Tragedies change you.  This is true.
I'm just worried this one may change me for the worst.

Since the fire, I have been more selfish and less sensitive than I ever was.
If someone tells me she had a bad day, I want to laugh at her.  Really?  Your boyfriend dumped you?  Well, I lost my house to a fire.
One of my students puts his head down in class and I snap.  You think you're tired?  You think you're overwhelmed?  Walk in my shoes!

And I know I'm far from having the "worst situation in the room" if we want to get into that.  There is no one dying.  My aunt gave us a place to live, so we aren't homeless.  No one is being abused.  I know all of that, and yet, my sympathy for others is very limited right now.

In addition, my focus and dedication to my job has changed.  I don't really care, to be blunt.  ACT scores and AP scores and daily lesson plans and walk throughs... what difference does any of it make anyway?  Why am I stressing out about stuff like that when, obviously, there are biggest stressors in the world.

I know, or at least I hope, that the changes above may just be because the fire is still new.  I'm still recovering.  Hopefully, over time, these will cease.

There are two positive changes I've seen in myself already.  One, I am dedicated to giving back now.  We have been so overwhelmed with the generosity of people - some who don't even know us - that I promise to return that favor when we are back on our feet.
Two, there are three people who mean more to me than they did even before now: my husband and my children.  The three people I've "survived" this with.  The three people who also have lost their home and their belongings. The three people staying with me in a foreign house, trying to cope and regroup (even though two may not even realize it).  My little family.